Well, all the Lakers fans, after whining their asses off during & after Games 3 & 4, came back in full strength after Game 5, asking us (as bloggers/fans) why we didn’t quit our whining (because obviously only they can do the whining) and win (because obviously we play for the Jazz &/or otherwise control whether they win or lose). So then… let’s focus on the positives coming from Game 5, shall we?
horriblevery fair officiating continued as the home teams improved to 19-1 in the 2nd round. Obviously, if you played 2 playoff teams on a neutral court, one team would declare it “home” and win 19 out of 20, no? Very, very reasonable. That’s what makes the playoffs so great. I mean, in most sports, it’d be close to 50-50. What’s the fun in that? 95-5… now that makes it exciting!
- Kobe Bryant got the win. That’s all that matters in the series. Just ask any major (sporting) news source. The recap (& title) will undoubtedly focus on Bryant, his back & the Lakers win. No mention of the Jazz anywhere. Just like Game 3 only had mention of Kobe & the Lakers loss, and Game 4 added in the bit about Kobe’s back. The Jazz? What’s that? And that’s as it should be. I mean, this is the NBA… league of the individual superstars. Down with the team mentality!
- It’s the new rule… if you’re wearing light blue uniforms in LA, you’re
not going to get any callsgoing to struggle because you suck. First the Nuggets, then the Jazz. Light blue doesn’t cut it. It makes the team even worse. I mean, the nerve of them… to run into the paint & fall down upon getting hit. Seriously guys, it’s a mans game! Grow up. Oh, and then the nerve to touch a Laker, especially Kobe. Seriously guys, don’t you know that the league is all about babying the superstars? You’ve been in the league how long now?
- Lakers fans are the classiest in the league. No bandwagoners, and no Lakers fan has ever been anything but the most respectful to players & fans of every team, no matter how hated the rival. And they never whine about anything, even if they happen to (god forbid it) lose. Why don’t Jazz fans, where everyone is a bastard & a whiner & cold-hearted & insensitive & classless & Mormon & a polygamist, learn better? Why boo the refs? You just have to wait until David Stern decides that it is time for your team to win it all, or at least make it there. This is Lakers year? Why try & fight it?
- Gordon Monson is a genius. I mean, who’d have ever guessed that David Stern isn’t Vince McMahon? I mean, they have the same appearance & same name and everything! I used to think they were the same person. The NBA is a billion-dollar business? I was so sure that it was non-profit… wouldn’t that have made it a bit more even for the teams? Oh wait… I forgot. Down with the team mentality! The whole thing would’ve come to light? What are you talking about? You mean that people would actually have noticed a guy getting ejected for laughing or that some players left the bench last season & got ejected while the same thing happened this year and nothing came to be? Or that they’d notice when the ref runs into the player & calls a foul on a defender? Or that they’d notice when they get T’d up for arguing a call… from their couch? Or that someone would realize that teams are 19-1 at home in the playoffs in the 2nd round? Oh, and what about the fans of other teams? They whine too… should they also shut up? You know… because fans are wrong? Not everyone is as classy as Lakers fans or as unbiased as some Gordon Monson. And he’s right, everyone makes mistakes. Just recently, I was thinking that Stern was a horrible commissioner. What a stupid mistake I was making there. I mean, he’s the best thing since portable toilets.
- Whoever said that Stern was just going for a Lakers-Celtics match-up is totally out of it. Stern is just letting every series go towards 7 games (with the home team winning most of the time) to maximize profits. The fact that the Lakers & Celtics (or Hornets &/or Pistons) end up at the top then is just coincidence. Nothing to do with Kobe or Chris Paul (the best draft pick in NBA history!) or KG (the most unfortunate player in NBA history!) or Ray Allen or Paul Pierce or the billions of bandwagon fans for one of the 2 teams that’ll bring in trillions of dollars for the NBA. Lakers-Celtics as the goal… psshh. It’s just an unavoidable side-effect.
- It’s a known fact now… Jerry Sloan is a horrible liar & cheat. All these years of yelling “3 seconds” at the completely honest & totally perfect refs made them think such a rule existed on the offensive end. Luckily for them, Phil Jackson, who has never whined in his life because he too calls LA home at times during the season, let them know this before the playoffs. This way, they wouldn’t buy into J-Slo’s crap and accidentally blow the whistle on his own player (Pau Gasol) for committing a violation of a rule that doesn’t exist. Can you imagine the uproar? Pau gets called for 3-seconds in the key. While Lakers fans would sit back and think “oh, the refs just made a mistake, but it’s alright because everyone makes mistakes except us” & Jazz fans would celebrate due to being blinded by J-Slo’s yelling it every year since the end of the dinosaurs, fans all over the nation would’ve jumped up yelling “WHAT??? Can they make up new rules in the middle of a game?” It would’ve been horrible for the NBA to try and explain that.
- J-Slo proved he does in fact deserve Coach of the Year. What other coach would’ve, for the good of the team, removed Ronnie Brewer for Matt Harpring? Just because Brewer was 7-9 from the field & had 5 assists, doesn’t mean that he should play more than 24 minutes, even if he was the 2nd best offensive player on the court for the team. Some stupid coach would’ve left him in longer and let him go off for more. Obviously Harpring (2-4 from the field) and the fact that he can’t defend Kobe worth a lick makes him a much more important player to have on the court. Plus, Harpring had twice the number of fouls Brewer did, suggesting he played twice as much defense. Oh, and the decision to stick with Kyle Korver late in the game instead of going back to Brewer? Ingenious. Korver may miss the 3’s when you most need them while Brewer might make them, but you have to stick with Korver because he’s shot more during the season. Simple. Practice makes perfect, and Ronnie hasn’t jacked up enough 3’s on the season. The CoY is J-Slo’s next year for sure. After all, aren’t all the awards now “Lifetime Achievement” awards?
- The Jazz foul everyone all the time. And they never attack the hoop, so they never get fouled. Their amazingly high FG% during the season didn’t come because they were attacking the hoop, it came because they got lucky on their jumpers & didn’t shoot a lot. They’re doing the same now, but not getting as lucky. The team has never seen a jumper it doesn’t like, and has never found an opportunity to drive to the hoop that they’d take… even to save their own lives. So all this complaining about them driving & getting hammered in the lane? Complete hogwash. Don’t believe a word of it. The fews times they do drive, they don’t get hit either. They fall because they don’t know how to tie their shoes, so they trip on the laces. Or because their legs get tangled with other Jazz players, since none of them know how to react when the ball is inside the paint.
- New decree in the NBA! Don’t try to defend Kobe Bryant. You can’t. The Jazz need not even try anymore. It’s now a punishment (a foul the first time, a 2nd foul the 2nd time, and so on) every time you try to. Kinda like steroids, except after 6 times trying to defend you can’t enter the game, while after 6 times getting caught with steroids, you could still get a job with half the teams in the MLB. Or like committing crimes, except for that after the 6th crime, the Bengals would still welcome you open handed.
- CJ Miles played! (I’ve got to have something that isn’t sarcastic, don’t I?) Not nearly enough (stupid Harpring and his lack of D), but he still played!
In other words, there were plenty of positives (the game of one of the big guys on the Jazz isn’t one of them), so focusing on the negatives (officiating so bad that the disaster known as The Titanic… Leonardo DiCaprio style… would be put to shame, Booze, turnovers, not driving to the hoop enough, not making the shots… getting hammered is not a good reason to miss, etc.) is not a good way to pass time.
Anyhow, Game 6 is sometime between now and the full moon on December 12th… I really don’t know (or care) when. So go out… make your signs & paint your faces & buy those Jazz jerseys (but not pink Korver jerseys) & get married (again?) if you want to & even make up sick & wrong jokes (I won’t, but everyone has their own way to bet ready) about Derek Fisher. It’s wrong & classless, but hey… you’re a Jazz fan. Everyone thinks that of you anyways. If you have the reputation & no one is going to back off because there are some idiots in Utah (obviously, there are no idiots anywhere else in the world), might as well get involved. No? (To note… I support all of the aforementioned activities except the last one. Leave Fish & his daughter/family out of it. There’s plenty of other people to make fun of, without bringing something serious into it. Like Luke Walton!) Maybe a “who’s your daddy?” sign with a picture of Luke getting stuffed. Or a on-going tally of Kobe’s airballs in Utah in the playoffs. Or a clock counting the number of seconds Gasol spends in the key before leaving. If you have that they, sit in the front so the refs can see you.
classy, San Diego classless, Salt Lake.